Random notes from Promises Rehab Center

• Everyone wants Zac Efron to be gay.
• Perez Hilton admits to his Secret Lover.
• Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon gave birth to twins.
• Jessica Simpson joins the View for two days. (Two Republican Dumb Blonds! This will be thrilling.)
• Lenny Kravitz hangs out with his beautiful daughter Zoe.
• Avril Lavigne won't quit yelling at those innocent kids.
• Yeeeah lists the great reasons why Lilo's engangement to LooSoo will work
• And a woman is accused of stealing a man's erections

This and other notes all available during computer time at Promises, I swear my addiction will be over soon!

Like a game of Where's Waldo, here is the Where's Lindsay Lohan Map

The NY Post reports that a source close to Lindsay Lohan has said that LiLo has went to Long Island to stay with her family.

While Entertainment Tonight has reported that Lindsay Lohan is at a drug rehabilitation facility in Utah called Cirque Lodge.

US Magazine has reported that another source has said she never even left California.

While I just reported that I stuck a drug riddled passed out LiLo pic all over a multi-colored map to help show kids the different states of the USA. There is Utah, California, and New York! The states are colored like Candy!!!

Worth 15 bucks for a ticket and some popcorn?

Lindsay Lohan's "I Know Who Killed Me"

Yes.

Why? Because she is very good stripper even without showing any nudity and certainly worth 15 bucks. The directing and writing was a joke, but the strip scenes throughout the movie were certainly worth it. As a straight woman, sitting in a movie theater alone with a business man on his lunch break and a college kid on his summer break, let me go the closest I will ever feel to sitting in a titty bar. I'm too respectable to do that, but too curious to actually totally shun the feeling of doing that.

It certainly felt like I was entering a seedy club, I even got carded by the ticket lady, asking if I was 17 and could enter a rated R movie. I never got carded for a movie in a long time, and getting carded got me thinking, this is the first rated R film that headlined Lindsay Lohan. To go to "Just my Luck" audience to "I Know Who Killed Me" type audience is a big transition that would be hard for anyone to cross, certainly uncrossable with a director, Chris Sivertson, whose first directing credit belongs to "All Cheerleaders Must Die"; and with a writer Jeff Hammond who has no credits to his name at all.

Thankfully to the film there were some well experienced producers including Frank Mancuso Jr. and Sabrina Sipantzi, who I have no doubt were influential in choosing cult favorite actors as secondary characters, including these well-known but never casted actors and actresses:

Jessica Rose, or Lonelygirl15 as she is referred to on youtube. Seeing her in the pic was a breath of fresh air. She had this horrible candor about her in the film, which is great on youtube, horrible on screen, but it was fun to see a cute well-loved cult favorite.

Garcelle Beauvais, also makes an appearance looking not quite as stunning as usual as a sensitive and skeptical FBI agent. She also appears on the cover of Playboy in August.



So all and all, I enjoyed my time at this movie, I rated it one out of five stars, but only because it was terribly bad, not because it wasn't money well spent. As a stripper I would certainly slip three fives consecutively into Miss. Lindsay Lohan's G-string.

The Most Important Story of The Year

Okay, alot of things have happened in the world of celebrity gossip, that I did not care about much at all actually. Britney Spears appearing fat and crazy; Lindsay Lohan manifesting the definition of cocaine whore; and the Beckhams coming to the United States; basically all a bunch of news not worth reporting twice.

Yet this: this should be reported in bold print and large font:

JESSICA ALBA FINALLY BROKE UP WITH CASH

According to US WEEKLY, one of the most respectable celebrity gossip rags around, reports that Jessica Alba dumped Cash over the phone, and cold-heartedly sent her assistant to throw out all of Cash's things. Cash Warren, Spike TV's "Luckiest Bastard", is now out in the cold, a Yale Grad and an ex-boyfriend of Jessica Alba, I doubt he won't find another great girl to fill her shoes, but she will never be a JESSICA ALBA. US WEEKLY, also reports that Cash believes there is another man, but he doesn't know who the other man is.

MEDIAtakeout, takes a bold guess and says it is 50 CENT, the incredibly stupid and unattractive rapper, who can atleast claim that he does have some talent laying down rhymes as well as being around town with alot of other famous and beautiful ladies. I could name a list of women, but I would have to diverge from the more important story. Jessica Alba dating a rapper? Is she trying to pull a J.LO?? I would be really happy if I saw her everyday on MTV videos singing on some track and dancing, even if she was bumping and grinding to the ugliest rapper in the business. (Well he is second to Eminem, in my personal opinion.) I really like to see her dance, this relationship could pull her career to another level or pull it down. I know alot of people are surprised that she is a latina, many think that she is white, and for some reason it is seen as unacceptable for white women to date black men. Jessica Alba will have to push out the latina side to recover from that and be named America's Mexican Sweetheart as Jennifer Lopez is often mistitled.

Below is a clip of 50 CENT introducing Jessica Alba to an audience in Europe. Can you see chemistry between the two?

Internet men's obsession over the Idea of Youth

Pedophiles scare me, but on the internet crawling across the forums, chat rooms, and websites are all sorts of people obsessed with "banging" the young stars. Until they turn 18, of course, then they declare them "monkey faces",

Or they decide they are sluts,

Or they decide their bodies aren't attractive enough.

I personally hope the fate is brighter for Hayden Patinerre.

Seeing her stand in her pajamas waiting for a ride reminds me of how innocent and young we all were, and absolutely disgusts me that there are countdowns to her 18th birthday. But for all those would-be predators or actual predators they are never satisfied by the birthday, they just want the idea of youth, fame, purity, and beauty but don't want the actualization of life in Los Angeles.

Source